I remember that year I took on a part-time job just to make some extra cash. Steve and I were in school, and just starting our little family. We were working on our little screen-printing business, too.
The morning of September 11th I had to go to class for a bit but I remember hurrying home to relieve Steve of watching our one-year-old son. I knew Steve would be ready to get started on printing t-shirts and I was missing my baby boy. I entered the front door of our tiny apartment and saw Steve watching the news while holding our baby boy. A quick thought in my mind was, "Wow, the morning news is on late." When just about the same time Steve said, "A plane hit one of the Twin Towers!" I remember screaming, "What!?" It really was like we were watching a really horrific movie...but it was real life.
The information that was streaming into our brains through the news on the t.v. was too much to take in at one time - mentally and emotionally - that it was real but so confusing. I kept asking Steve a lot of questions. He tried to answer them as fast as I asked them, but we were still so confused. Why would airplanes hit sky scrapers? This had to be an accident! Until we watched the next plane hit. We couldn't believe it. This is really happening.
I felt like I was thinking like a little child...so confused and helpless. "Who is going to put the fire out in those buildings. There has to be a lot of people in those buildings." Then all of a sudden one of the twin towers just started dropping, straight down to the ground, in plumes of black and gray smoke. It was surreal. "Did anyone get out? There are still people in the other building. What is going on!!!"
As I look back on that morning and recall all the thoughts, emotions, feelings and confusion we had on what started out as a regular, sunny September morning - I can't imagine how, or what the people of New York, or the people at the Pentagon, or the people on United Airlines Flight 93 felt.
How did the person feel just running in from busy Manhattan traffic, when after not too long after just settling into their cubicle or office with a window - a plane slams into their work place - one plane, full of people, changes their life as they knew it. I was seeing all this happening from the comforts of home. But for many this experience was real, and raw, and the worst thing that they ever imagined happening to them was actually taking place there and then, that one September morning.
How did those firefighters feel when calls started rolling into their stations that one twin tower was hit, then another twin tower was hit. How do you logistically plan the rescue of thousands and thousands of people from sky scrapers while being in a state of shock? How do you run into a burning sky scraper while being in a state of shock? How did thousands and thousands of firefighters, paramedics, cops come together to give service while others are running out of from justifiable fear?
I guess that is the question I have a hard time answering, "How do you cross the line from being confused and scared and wanting to run, but you do not run. Yet you summon all the courage you can while in a state of shock and make your feet move through the door, and up the stairs, and up a smokey stairwell to...well...sometimes you aren't really sure to where and to what."
How first responders, warriors, people who serve, push through that wall of fear and keep going when they knew that going IN meant possibly giving up their lives as they knew them. That they might not get one more chance to run home to their babies.
How did so many of them say, "Yes...I will do it." That is the line that makes those kinds of selfless and courageous people and myself so different.
And actually my little firefighters and first responders and military friends have taught me the answers to my question. Working with all of you over the years I am learning about a system of honor, loyalty, and duty. When you fight fires, crime, wars together, you HAVE to believe that your brother, or sister, has your back and has you in their heart. No matter what happens - your will do all that you can to protect your brother and he will do all he can to protect you. The honor is that she has tried to protect her friend without selfishness, and so in return you do the same because you have a mutual agreement that you will protect, love, and serve each other - even if it means the ultimate sacrifice. And knowing this can give someone such a great sense of courage because you are serving those who respect and admire you and you feel the same.
I am sure most selfless, brave people wouldn't even admit they were. But this is what I feel about them.
So, I return to my question "At what point do you cross the line of duty and courage to face the fear and the unknown?"
To tell you the truth. I am sure they were scared out of their mind, but didn't take too much time to dwell on fear that day. They had been practicing honor, duty, and serving so much up to that point with their brothers and sisters they respected...it was just natural to want to go fight with them that 11th day of September, 2001. Anyone who served anywhere in the country that day where there was terror going on...had been practicing being a good friend all their lives. That's why it was in their nature to do it again...even one last time. That isn't in the mindset of a warrior to think to retreat, but to go in and fight - and even be THE FIRST at that. To be the first to help a brother or soul in need.
That's why ever year around September 11th I post my favorite picture, the one at the beginning of this post. It's my favorite because that firefighter is not going out, but contrary to what I would do he is going IN even with fear and death staring him in the face. I wonder if he made it out? God bless him.
The sacrifice of so many on September 11th, 2001 was the ultimate lesson of love, duty, and honor to me. Everyone who served and sacrificed that day in September in America is a hero to me. And they served because of the love for what they do, their love for their country, their love for their families. This country was built upon a loyalty to ones beliefs, a strong sense of brotherhood/sisterhood, love, and the courage to act on feelings of the heart - that is what is unique about America. And that is why we will always love it, too.
A day that we will never forget our brave, courageous, loyal, selfless friends who will be in our hearts forever.
Love and gratitude to all who serve us everyday, everywhere.
Sincerely,
Ismari and Steve R.
